Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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