If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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