Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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