I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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