At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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