I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
