final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize