winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
