Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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