I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
