Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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