I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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