I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
