You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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