She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize