my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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