and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she looked like the before picture.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
