I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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