im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm always down for nudity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
