That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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