dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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