I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
false alarm. still invincible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
