I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
