i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
