just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
