People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
