i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
