dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just invented taco cereal.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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