Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
