Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
