I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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