So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
