apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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