Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
