help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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