Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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