That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
