Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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