NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
