Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
