I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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