there's paper in my vomit.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
