brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk is not a location!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
