tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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