She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
