Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
