I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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