We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
