I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just pee around me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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