Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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