So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
