is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
