I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
