Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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