Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
