how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
