I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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