Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
