Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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