i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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