My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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