I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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