I hope mine doesn't look like that
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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