So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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